I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
