You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
