too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
