I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's never too late to be topless.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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