I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
