he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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