So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
