After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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