At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
