fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
