I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
