Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
