Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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