Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
