The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
