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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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