Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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