Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
