she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
