whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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