the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
