Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
