Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
