woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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