The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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