I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
