i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
