Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
