I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
