this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Even my vagina gasped.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
