So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
