I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i out mim tonsoeep
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