you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
