apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
