and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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