and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
