sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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