And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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