Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
