Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
