as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
