fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
