As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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