She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
