We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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