you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
