SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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