Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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