i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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