We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
