my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
