R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
